Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Boys are gross...reflections from a boy mom




Boys are gross.  Plain and simple.  And as a boy mom, I have been living in the trenches of grossness for quite some time.  It starts with poop, then moves on to their penis (and then pretty much stays at their penis for the rest of their lives I believe).

A few things I've been enlightened to as a mom of boys...

Boys poop in the nude.  Every.single.time
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Boys love to talk about poop.  My oldest son tells stories about a fictional character named Mr. Poop who lives in the sewers and has corn kernels for eyes.  At night, he comes out of the toilet and tries to get back in your butt.  Yup.  For reals.
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Boys pick their noses.  Regularly.  And then  think it's hilarious to flick a booger at you.  Unless they are eating said booger, like my little guy does.
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Boys cannot get enough of their man parts.  Up until about a month ago,  my oldest was still calling it his "pee pee."  Apparently someone at camp advised him of the correct anatomical term.  Now it's, LOOK AT MY PENIS!  LOOK AT WHAT I PUT ON MY PENIS! WANNA SEE MY PENIS?  One time I actually heard myself say, "Don't put your penis on your brother!"  Good lord.  And I know it is only going to get worse.
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Boys find their farts hilarious.   They find it even more hilarious if they can fart ON you.  "Hey mom, wanna know a secret?"  Sure.  Insert fart and hysterical laughter.
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Boys have terrible aim.  I am pretty sure more of their pee gets on and around the toilet as opposed to IN it.  Additionally, apparently it is commonplace when brushing your teeth to spit the toothpaste at the mirror instead of in the sink.
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Boys love to pee outside.  Like pull down your pants and pee right in the front yard in front of the neighbors kind of love.
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Boys love to walk around the house in their underwear and/or diaper.  Even when it's 10 degrees outside.
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Boys like to burp and then breathe in your face and ask you if it smells.  This also applies to farts, except they wave the fart gas in your face.

Please tell me I'm not alone!  Are your boys gross too??


7 comments:

  1. Love this! The whole pooping in the nude thing always cracks me up...even in public when my son was young he would strip down to poop!! And last night my 14 year old literally sat on my 10 year olds head and farted. Such a fun post...as much as they make me crazy I cannot imagine life without my boys!

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  2. Hahha oh man... my little guy is only a year so I havent had to deal with most of this yet.

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  3. The terrible aim! Growing up with a sister and no brothers, I had NO idea!

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  4. Agreed on all fronts - but we do love them don't we :)

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  5. Ha! Ha! Yes, yes, and YES!!!! I live in a house of gross boys...including my husband ;) Seriously, though, I have twins and an older one. They also laugh at anything having to do with farts, poop, or pee. Also, how gross are their finger nails no matter how much you scrub them?!?!

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  6. Omg too funny!!!! My brother and I are exactly one year a part and I remwber a lot of this from when he was younger! Boys are definitely gross lol

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  7. One year, the only way we could get our two boys to smile for our Christmas card pictures was for my husband to stand behind me and pretend to be picking his nose and wiping it on me. I'll tell ya this though... they're teenagers now and I would take gross boys over the drama of girls hands down! God knew I needed boys!

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