Saturday, May 7, 2016

For you, in heaven

I think about you so very often.

I think about how old you would be, what you would look like, what you would be doing in your life right now.

I wonder how my life would be different if you were here. 

I have guilt.  Did I make the wrong decisions?  Did I do something wrong?  Was it karma?  Was I being punished for sins of the past?

I feel sadness.  Sadness I will never know you.  Never see you.  Never hug you or smell your sweet skin.

I remember when I lost you.  I remember the pain.  I remember the room, cold and bare.  I remember the stained ceiling and the parade of doctors.  I remember KNOWING but praying for a miracle.  I remember the ride home from the hospital.  I remember the pit in my stomach that took so long to dissipate.  I remember the emptiness. 

I want you to know I am sorry.  I’m so sorry if it was my fault. I’m so sorry you never got the chance to see the world outside my womb.  I’m so sorry your life ended before it even began.

You are always with me.  You are a part of my heart, forever.

I love you.



  1. Oh Kimberly. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it all too well. I too lost 4 babies before I had my first and then another before I had my second. It's such an awful experience to go through and unless you've gone through it, no one will ever know what it's like. Just let me say that many other woman, like us, who have gone through it, really feel your grief and your pain and can sympathise with you. Remembering you today on Mother's Day. (Thank you so much for linking up your post to the Mother's Day linky.)

    Anne @ Domesblissity xx

  2. My heart just totally broke into pieces. I'm so happy you have those precious boys to whom you are a most awesome mommy to. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  3. So sorry for your loss. I'm right there with you, and it's impossible to describe or understand if you haven't been there! *Hugs*

  4. I'm so sorry. I don't know how it feels, but my heart is with you during this difficult time. <3

  5. Omg I'm so sorry :-/ I personally don't know how this must feel but I can only imagine. sending you a hug via blog comment xoxo

  6. This is beautifully written, and I truly hope you've found comfort in writing it. I'm very sorry for your loss. If arms could reach through computer screens, mine would be hugging you right now.

  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. Mother's Day must be especially hard. I just had a good friend go through this, and I think she will want to read this, so she knows she's not alone. Thank you for sharing.

  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a loss before conceiving my daughter, and it's a pain that never really goes away, although it eventually fades into the rhythms of new life and day-to-day existence. Sending you best wishes and hugs through the screen.

  9. Oh my gosh. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have no words that can offer comfort, because I am sure that there aren't any, I can only offer a listening ear. *hugs*