Monday, September 29, 2014

My journey to motherhood- a grateful heart

We are a family of four.   Sometimes I am in utter disbelief that this statement is true.  When I was young, I had no interest in being a mom.  Or in being married for that matter.   I was not one of those girls that daydreamed about her perfect wedding or having a house full of babies.  I was dreaming about moving to NYC, living in a beautiful high rise apartment and having a career as a very prestigious attorney.  I figured I wouldn't get married, rather I would "play the field" and have several torrid love affairs (not at the same time of course).  Well, exactly none of this happened.

I don't live in NYC and I'm not an attorney.  I fell in love and got married.  My husband and I were both in agreement though- no kids.  We made it through a good 5 years insisting we would not have kids (despite our parents' continued pleas to give them some grandkids).  Then it happened.  The biological clock started ticking.  We started thinking maybe we SHOULD have kids.  And so we began to try.

A year and a half passed with 2 heartbreaking miscarriages and no baby.  I started to think I wasn't meant to have children.  Some days I was ok with that. Some days I wasn't.

We decided to give it one last shot.  If it didn't work out this time, that was it.
Well, it only took about a month and I was pregnant. It was a very scary first 12 weeks.  I analyzed every cramp, twitch and twinge.  I worried.  I didn't let myself get excited.  I waited.  Then I worried some more.

Time passed.  12 weeks turned into 14 weeks. 14 weeks turned into 16.  16 weeks turned into 20. And then the realization hit me...I'm halfway there!!  It was at that point I finally let myself get excited about the little guy growing in my belly.
I was fortunate to have a completely normal pregnancy.  No issues for me, no issues for baby.  And then on a bitter cold winter day, after 16 hours of labor, 2 1/2 hours pushing, and a visit to the OR for a c-section, I finally had my little Nickolas.  All 8 pounds 13 ounces of him!



We told ourselves it was "one and done." Just one kid to shower with love and focus our attention on.

Fast forward 2 years (those 2 years need their very own blog post, or perhaps their own blog...oh my how life takes you to unexpected places...but I digress). We started thinking about babies again.  Shouldn't Nick have a sibling?  Shouldn't he have someone to lean on when we are gone?   Wouldn't it be great to have another baby???

I'll be honest.  The thought of another child terrified me.  How could I function on even less sleep?  How would I manage 2 kids when sometimes I felt like I could barely manage 1?  Twice the stress, twice the work.  Twice the baths, twice the sickness.  Twice the crying, twice the diapers.  Twice the money.

But we went for it.  And 2 years and 11 months after Nickolas was born, on another cold and snowy winter day, our Alec was born.



Has it been easy?  Nope.  2 kids is a lot of work, especially when your closest relative is an hour and a half away.  But, it has been a lot easier than I expected.  Things go a lot smoother with baby #2 it seems.  I actually feel like I know what I am doing this time around!  Yes, sometimes I want to lock myself in the bathroom for an hour or two and escape the madness that is our home.   Sometimes I would like to be able to pee or shower without someone busting in on me.  Sometimes I would like to sit on the couch without someone climbing or jumping on me.  Sometimes I would like just 15 minutes of quiet.  And last but not least, sometimes I really want to sleep past 7am on the weekend.

But honestly and truly, I wouldn't trade any of it.  I can't imagine my life without these 2 boys in it (and I don't want to!).  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined loving another human being as much as I love these boys. They are my heart; they are my life.  They are what truly matters.  Thank you lord for blessing me with these two amazing gifts.  I am so grateful for our little family of 4!

I'm linking up today with EmberGray for her Grateful Heart series.
What are you grateful for today?

45 comments:

  1. What a sweet story, thank you for sharing. I am grateful for my one daughter and her many cousins.

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    1. Thank you! I wish my boys had lots of cousins to play with!

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  2. I loved reading this post! I have one boy now, but we are hoping for another baby soon. On one hand I feel like a lunatic for wanting another baby - because you said it, twice the everything - but on the other hand, I can't imagine not having another baby (or two). It's nice to know that in some ways having a second is easy. :)

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    1. Thank you! It truly is easier the second time around!

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  3. I love this honest look into your feelings! It's amazing how we can love someone so much isn't it? And then another one comes along and we love them just a much. How do we have room for that in our hearts? Such a sweet post. Have fun with your boys! Brothers are SO much fun. My two have me cracking up (and yes also sometimes freaking out) on a daily basis haha!

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    1. It is amazing! Sometimes it feels like my heart could burst with all the love I have for these two. And I really do enjoy being a boy mom! These kids are hilarious!

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  4. Stopping by from the Mommy Moments link up. This is such a sweet post and I am glad I came across it. As a first time mom the thought of handling more children seems so out of reach. I'm glad to hear it isn't all crazy uncontrollable moments. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! A second baby is definitely do-able!

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  5. So sweet! It's true, our lives rarely end up the way we imagine they would when we're younger - and if they do, there are generally hiccups and delays along the way - but hopefully we all love the life we DO end up with and are grateful for the things we've been given! I'm a bit frightened about a 2nd, being honest, for all those reasons - energy, time, bickering between the two, longterm costs (college????) - but I'm delighted at the same time and I can't wait to see these two become friends as they grow!

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    1. Yes, when I think about paying for 2 college tuitions I want to pass out! LOL
      But at least as a boy mom I only have to pay for rehearsal dinners and not entire weddings! I am so grateful for my boys and the way life turned out. You are going to have so much fun with baby #2. Savor every second!

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  6. Love being a mom too. It's the best. Your right it would be tough not having close family around. I am thankful my mother in law is only 5 min a way. Your a strong mama.

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    1. Thanks for saying I'm a strong mama! It's definitely tough without family close by but thankfully we have made some wonderful friends who are just like family!

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  7. This is such a sweet post! Motherhood is not always easy but it's such a gift and a blessing and makes life so much more beautiful! You know the saying, "we make plans and God laughs." I'm always grateful my plans don't pan out because His are always better! Congrats on your beautiful family ☺

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    1. Thank you so much! And yes, His plans are always better! :)

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  8. :) This story is full of so much hope, thank you so much for sharing!! I have to remind myself daily, God's plans are so much better and greater and grander and sweeter than the ones I try to construct. Have a happy Monday, Kim! :)

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    1. Thank you! And thanks for hosting such a great linkup! It's so important to reflect on all we have and the things we are greatful for!

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  9. Gorgeous, heartfelt post your sons are beautiful! 2 kids is a lot of work but like you, I live for my two boys and it's all worth it! Just wish people would stop asking me about a third! #allaboutyou

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    1. Thank you so much! And I know what you mean about a third. We always get asked when we are going to try for a girl!

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  10. Beautiful post and it is indeed odd the path life leads you on sometimes! So lovely to read how happy you are now, we have no.2 on the way soon and I am looking forward to (and pretty terrified of) becoming a family of 4! Xx #allaboutyou

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    1. Congrats on baby #2! It's so much work, but so worth it!

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  11. Love this post. You are giving me hope about the possibility of baby #2 :) Your babies are gorgeously precious!

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    1. Oh, thank you so much!! And good luck on baby #2!

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  12. Love, love LOVE this post! I share word for word your first two paragraphs. Thank goodness God had a bigger, better plan. Thanks for sharing your story of how your family of 4 came to be! #humpdayhappenings

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    1. Thanks Katie, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  13. What a beautiful tribute to your journey and your little ones. It is funny how our ambitions and dreams change as we age and experience life. Thank you for sharing here.

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    1. Absolutely! I never could have imagined the life I have now when I was in my teens or even 20s!

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  14. Love this post!! It is sometimes amazing to see how life has changed from when we started out to where we are now! Love the adorable baby pictures...you almost forget how small they are.

    Laura @ Mice In The Kitchen
    http://www.miceinthekitchen.com/

    Make sure you stop by on Friday for the TGIF link up party!!

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    1. Thanks Laura! I'll definitely check out your link party!

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  15. Aww so sweet! And your babies are beautiful! <3

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  16. What a sweet story. When was younger, I thought I could take or leave motherhood as well. Best thing I ever did! Gorgeous boys!

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  17. What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing it with Hump Day Happenings. I really enjoyed hearing about your journey to motherhood.

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  18. Thank you for sharing your story - I loved reading it! I found your post through Sue Parke's Blogtober link up. Looking forward to following your blog!

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    1. Thank you so much Jess! Happy you found my blog!

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  19. Your story sounds like mine! We didn't wait 5 years to start to try, but we have one right now (2 year old girl) and we are now considering #2. Twins run in our family (my husband's cousin actually just announced she was expecting a set!!!) so I am terrrrified of having multiples but if life gives you lemons, we make lemonade. So if life gives me multiple babies then I make a big family!!!! (I also found your blog through Sue's blog hop)

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    1. Twins run in our family too so we were a little nervous!

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  20. What a sweet story! You sound SO much like me... I had big plans... for a big career in New York, and then 9/11 happened and I realized my long distance boyfriend was, in fact, the love of my life. Now 10 years of marriage and two kids later and I so grateful I made the choice I did! Thank you for sharing on the #SHINEblog hop, it was a pleasure to read! :)

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  21. I love this post...and I totally relate! It was a journey having our first child (after a loss) and then I was nervous about having a second. But it's been amazing having two kids, and I'm so grateful for them! Thanks so much for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop! Hope to see you at the next one :)

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  22. Beautiful post and an amazing family you've got! God bless, always!

    I am a co-host for Wake-Up Wednesday Linky Party and would like to thank you for partying with us.

    -Tanya
    http://tanyaanurag.blogspot.com/

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  23. I just became a mom for the first time less than a year ago, and I could never imagine the love I would have for my daughter! It is unbelievable and amazing. Thank you for linking up with #MomTimeThurs.

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  24. I love this story. It is so sweet. Thanks for sharing. #MeanderingMondays

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  25. It is a totally amazing feeling of love that I never dreamed could be so intense! Thank you so much for sharing on Meandering Mondays and wishing you a great week!

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  26. It is amazing how we can think we have the life we want to live all figured out, the all of a sudden we change our minds and go a whole different route. Children are so life changing and wonderful aren't they? Thank you for sharing your story with us at Mommy needs a time out thursdays.

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