My journey to motherhood- a grateful heart

We are a family of four.   Sometimes I am in utter disbelief that this statement is true.  When I was young, I had no interest in being a mom.  Or in being married for that matter.   I was not one of those girls that daydreamed about her perfect wedding or having a house full of babies.  I was dreaming about moving to NYC, living in a beautiful high rise apartment and having a career as a very prestigious attorney.  I figured I wouldn't get married, rather I would "play the field" and have several torrid love affairs (not at the same time of course).  Well, exactly none of this happened.

I don't live in NYC and I'm not an attorney.  I fell in love and got married.  My husband and I were both in agreement though- no kids.  We made it through a good 5 years insisting we would not have kids (despite our parents' continued pleas to give them some grandkids).  Then it happened.  The biological clock started ticking.  We started thinking maybe we SHOULD have kids.  And so we began to try.

A year and a half passed with 2 heartbreaking miscarriages and no baby.  I started to think I wasn't meant to have children.  Some days I was ok with that. Some days I wasn't.

We decided to give it one last shot.  If it didn't work out this time, that was it.
Well, it only took about a month and I was pregnant. It was a very scary first 12 weeks.  I analyzed every cramp, twitch and twinge.  I worried.  I didn't let myself get excited.  I waited.  Then I worried some more.

Time passed.  12 weeks turned into 14 weeks. 14 weeks turned into 16.  16 weeks turned into 20. And then the realization hit me...I'm halfway there!!  It was at that point I finally let myself get excited about the little guy growing in my belly.
I was fortunate to have a completely normal pregnancy.  No issues for me, no issues for baby.  And then on a bitter cold winter day, after 16 hours of labor, 2 1/2 hours pushing, and a visit to the OR for a c-section, I finally had my little Nickolas.  All 8 pounds 13 ounces of him!



We told ourselves it was "one and done." Just one kid to shower with love and focus our attention on.

Fast forward 2 years (those 2 years need their very own blog post, or perhaps their own blog...oh my how life takes you to unexpected places...but I digress). We started thinking about babies again.  Shouldn't Nick have a sibling?  Shouldn't he have someone to lean on when we are gone?   Wouldn't it be great to have another baby???

I'll be honest.  The thought of another child terrified me.  How could I function on even less sleep?  How would I manage 2 kids when sometimes I felt like I could barely manage 1?  Twice the stress, twice the work.  Twice the baths, twice the sickness.  Twice the crying, twice the diapers.  Twice the money.

But we went for it.  And 2 years and 11 months after Nickolas was born, on another cold and snowy winter day, our Alec was born.



Has it been easy?  Nope.  2 kids is a lot of work, especially when your closest relative is an hour and a half away.  But, it has been a lot easier than I expected.  Things go a lot smoother with baby #2 it seems.  I actually feel like I know what I am doing this time around!  Yes, sometimes I want to lock myself in the bathroom for an hour or two and escape the madness that is our home.   Sometimes I would like to be able to pee or shower without someone busting in on me.  Sometimes I would like to sit on the couch without someone climbing or jumping on me.  Sometimes I would like just 15 minutes of quiet.  And last but not least, sometimes I really want to sleep past 7am on the weekend.

But honestly and truly, I wouldn't trade any of it.  I can't imagine my life without these 2 boys in it (and I don't want to!).  Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined loving another human being as much as I love these boys. They are my heart; they are my life.  They are what truly matters.  Thank you lord for blessing me with these two amazing gifts.  I am so grateful for our little family of 4!

I'm linking up today with EmberGray for her Grateful Heart series.
What are you grateful for today?